Baby *might* be learning to read. Or, it’s been so long since my last one did this and I am so old I cannot remember how kids learn to read (I’m sure that’s it. Based on genes, odds are she is not a genius). She has started making me play a game that goes like this:
Baby: Mom, what starts with “b?”
Me: Enthusiastically. Baby!
Baby: And what else?
Me: Boy!
Baby: And what else?
Me: Considerably less enthusiastically. Busy.
Baby: And what else?
Me: Thinking of one very appropriate word. Barn.
This game usually lasts until 1. I consider stabbing my eyes out with sharp sticks, 2. Baby gets tired of me not knowing my alphabet that well, 3. Or baby skips to the letter “F” and I become so flustered I can’t keep playing.
Here’s what happened the first time baby wanted to do “F” and I cannot for the life of me figure out where this originated (and it scares the crap out of me).
Baby: What starts with “F?”
Me: Farm!
Baby: What else?
Me: A bit wearily since I think “F” was like the 15th letter we had done. I don’t know what else. How ’bout YOU tell ME what starts with F?
Baby: Enthusiastically OKAY! Pause. FROG!
Me: YES! What else?
Baby: French fries!
Me: YES! What else?
Baby: FOCKA!
Me: WHAT?
Baby: FOCKA!
Me: WHAT? FOCKA??? What’s that? Mommy doesn’t know that word!!!
Baby: You know, FOCKA!
Me: Frantically thinking she must mean something else or be trying to say an actual three-year old appropriate word, and not the word I am thinking about. No, I don’t know. I don’t know what it means either. Can you tell me what it means?
Baby: Umm, you know, FOCKA! I’m not sure what it means either.
Me: HOW ‘BOUT WE DO A DIFFERENT LETTER AND NEVER EVER DO “F” AGAIN???
Of course (as with generally everything baby does) I cannot remember the other kids ever doing this. And, frankly, I am confused and appalled. And, then there is the fact that baby has a history already at her pre-school. She is a “biter” and has already been to the “principal’s office” to be reprimanded. The last thing I need is for her to spout off “focka” (whatever the hell it means and wherever the hell she got it from) to her teacher and be expelled from pre-k.
So I continue to brush up on my appropriate “F”words, listen intently to all of baby’s favorite DVDs and CDS (in the hopes that I will hear an appropriate word that sounds like focka with which she was confused), and, of course, try everyday to just ignore “F” and pretend it’s not part of the alphabet we know. Until I get this figured out, I swear this is not my fault and I hope that baby will just learn to read already so that we can all just stop hearing this word.
19 Responses to “I Cuss Like A Sailor, But I Swear This is Not My Fault”
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Hee hee! Baby is one smart cookie! I cannot imagine how she learned that word!
Hee hee! Baby is so smart! I cannot imagine where she learned that word!
I am not sure where she gets her smarts or her language. Mom and dad respectively, perhaps? ;o) Thanks for the read!
Ha! Classic. Our baby is so screwed when it comes to cuss words. Both the hubs and I swear like sailors. It really must be stopped. But it feels so good to swear!
So happy to find that it’s not just me. ;o)
Hmmmm…..Stomped down the stairs punctuating each stomp with a certain *F* word lately? You know every so often I remember that day and get the giggles. It was too perfect that your mom was waiting at the door at the foot of the stairs and heard each stomp and the punctuating word oh so clearly. LOL!
Hahahahahahaha! Had totally forgotten that day!!! Thank you for reminding me. Gosh, I’ve been bad for so long now that I don’t even remember my past sins. xoxo
Hilarious – I know with the length of time between my children, too, 11 years, could not for the life of me remember if I had gone through certain things already before and, if so, how I handled it.
Do you cuss? I don’t know that I’ve ever heard you cuss! It’s quite embarrassing and we are just hoping it ends soon.
) Thanks for the read. xoxo
KEEP THIS LIST HANDY
Fun! Flowers! Fresh! Fog! Fancy! Freak! (no scratch that) Funny! Flowery” Fresh-like! Foggy! Fanciful! Wait . . . aren’t there any more?
I try to make lists in my head when doing other things (because I have time to do that) and I have actually thought of consulting a dictionary for difficult letters (or blends i.e. “SH”). I had forgotten parenting a toddler was so TIME CONSUMING! ;o) xoxo
FUDGer, FOLKer, FULCrum, FORtheLOVEr, god! I love that kid.
FORthelove! love it. because that’s one word, right? ;o)
You’re my Favorite Blog girl. Always and Forever. http://youtu.be/x3oHUdhb_hI
Do you dare ask her older siblings about the origins of the word??? How about giving them some homework of lists of words for each letter of the alphabet?
Well, I thought about that. Fear prevents me from mentioning it to anyone else in the house (except her father who has remained suspiciously silent on the matter).
My husband says that the kids will learn all their bad language from me. Funny, Monica!
Nice to know I am in good company! Thanks for the read.
) Big smiles!
how about freaky motha focka