Parenting doesn’t come with a manual.
Well, actually – if you live in the UK they do give you two books when you first fall pregnant. Compiled by the leading experts in their fields the books cover “Pregnancy and Birth” and then “0 to 5”. They’re a bit like manuals. And you can buy books and find websites a plenty on the subject too.
And if you’re a first time Mum or Dad, you may just read those books from cover to cover. You may also find yourself watching TV shows like ‘Great Expectations’ and ‘Super Nanny’ with renewed interest.
But no matter how much prepping you do, how much reading and research, you really just ain’t gonna fully understand parenting, until you start being a parent.
I should go back and check my books, because I’m not sure if the information’s actually there and I just ignored it at the time, in my rosy glow of pregnancy.
But I don’t remember anybody telling me quite how much my life was going to change. Nor my body for that matter!
As soon as I knew I was pregnant that first time, I knew I wanted to be a ‘stay at home Mum’. I went on maternity leave from my fulltime job already knowing in my heart that I wasn’t going back. I am ambitious, I had every intention of working as soon as my new baby was starting preschool. But those first years, from 0-3, to me (and each to their own) it felt totally natural to be with my children, be the main carer, their main influence. I appreciate that I was lucky enough to be able to choose too.
And my life changed totally. That first year or so in particular I remember being all about our new baby. A little bit about my Hubby. And bugger all about myself.
I quickly learnt to express my feelings loud and clear to Hubby, who’d gone back to work and was largely unaware of quite how hard I was finding it. “I’m tired, like, ALL the time”, “I’m running on half-battery”, “I really didn’t realise how hard this would be”, “YOU just don’t understand how hard this is” and “What happened to my BODY!!”.
Thank Jimminy, he heard me. He got stuck into fatherhood and his life changed too. And he loves it. Today, with a four year old and a two year old, he’s a hands on Dad at every opportunity he gets. And we learnt to love my new, post childbirth body together!
But if you’re not careful to keep time for you and for you and your partner, you can get lost in those first years of motherhood.
All your focus is on your baby, and I found I had to try really hard to remember to sod the housework at times, and do something just for me or to focus on Hubby and I for a change. To make me feel good, to remind me that ‘me’ is important.
I’m glad I did, today I feel I’m developing into a stronger Mother because of it. And I always was a strong woman.
I get to work from home too, which has worked out so perfectly. I really do feel lucky every single day that my three main ‘jobs’ – Childcare, House Maid and Business Owner – can all happen in the same space. My home! It definitely makes the juggling act easier.
But I wonder sometimes if I should have been more selfless. Was that a selfish voice in my head, moaning about how hard motherhood was? Wanting time for me?
I don’t know, but I’m glad that I forced the issue. Asked Hubby for more help, made the space for me time from time to time. Kept my outside interests and ambitions going and kept Hubby and I’s romance going. It’s all as important as that new baby, who demands so much of your energy and time.
And if I have a daughter or daughter-in-law, and she’s pregnant with her first child one day, then I think I’d offer her this advice.
Ignore the housework some days, do something just for you at least once a day. Do something for you and your partner at least once a day. Make sure your partner knows how you’re feeling, it is REALLY, FRIGGIN HARD!! So ask for help when you need it. Especially when you need a break, that’s what Grannies and Auntys are for.
Oh, and learn to love your new body! It gave you your children, which is pretty darned cool and amazing, let it bear the scars.
And I’ll remind myself of that too, next time I’m whingeing about not being able to wear a bikini anymore.
Ah…motherhood. Bonkers innit? My youngest (of 3) is 9 now, so I am far beyond the ‘new motherhood’ bit. But I still feel like an amateur sometimes
I’m still Stay at Home as well, and find it hard justifying doing something for myself (even though my partner gets really cross that I don’t do stuff for me). Think it might be because I always feel like I’m in the ‘workplace’. I’m lucky enough to have a partner (and a best friend by email) who regularly urge me to do stuff for me. I just have to remember to bloomin’ well listen to them. Because I know they are right – I know when I have taken time to – ahem – please myself, I’ve been a much better parent/partner for it 
(Still struggling with the whole loving my body bit though…One step at a time, eh?)
Great post, Weezafish x
Where are all the ‘Professional’ parents, who make us feel like amateurs?
I think each of us must make it up as we go along, be our own parent. I for one happen to know that you’re pretty awesome at it. And KEEP DOING STUFF FOR YOURSELF!! I’ll send you an email saying that in another week or so …
Weezafish recently posted..Writing on Other Sites: I’ve Been Moonlighting Again
Yeah, the whole…learn to love your new body thing…still not working for me. LOL
Stephenie Stone recently posted..Let’s Get Personal
Haha! Oh yeah, I’m with you some days. Clothed, I’m generally okay with my body. I know what flatters, what doesn’t. Naked or half-naked, I need candlelight or one of those low wattage orange bulbs. Smoke and mirrors my friend, smoke and mirrors
Weezafish recently posted..Writing on Other Sites: I’ve Been Moonlighting Again
i like your advice to the soon to be new mom. i sooooooooo wish i could have let go of more crap. like housework and laundry and spent more time just being okay with things not getting done as long as the kids were okay. and i love what you said about being honest. i look back and i wonder sometimes how we made it through with a newborn, one year old, and two year old. it was really, really hard. i am so happy we are still intact and fairly sane, but some parts of me wish i could have a re-do!
Monica recently posted..Crack German Dark Chocolate Cake (presumably with gluten)
Hi Monica! A newborn, a 1yr old and a 2yr old, I’m also really happy that you guys are still intact and fairly sane! I know what you mean about the re-do, I’m keeping my clothes on for now
Weezafish recently posted..Writing on Other Sites: I’ve Been Moonlighting Again
I got really close to pre-baby weight once, and still nothing was in the same place. *sigh*
One of the hardest things for me to learn was how important it was to take time for me, and that it wasn’t selfish. It actually makes you a better Mom, which is what you’re so preoccupied with in the first place. But it is amazingly difficult. I’m going to offer my daughter the same advice when the time comes. Hopefully she’ll listen better than she does now. ; )
Jen @ Bible Belt to Boulder recently posted..Grandparent’s Day?
“Nothing was in the same place” So true, so funny, so depressing
You’ve hit the nail on the head, Happy Mum = Better Mum and happier family. Taking time for you is not just important for you, it’s best for everyone.
weezafish recently posted..Two Birthdays, Two Links and Fifty Cup Cakes
Lovely post. Much enjoyed.
ChristeneC recently posted..Precious!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, very glad you enjoyed it
weezafish recently posted..Two Birthdays, Two Links and Fifty Cup Cakes