It’s not a purse, it’s a satchel…umm briefcase?

I’ve got a lot of stuff.

When I go to and from work on a daily basis I tend to haul around the essentials like my laptop and iPhone along with their required spaghetti bundle of cables and cords. I also tend to carry quite a few non-essentials: left over medicine from that business trip when I got the flu (no that’s not code for a hangover), receipts that I still need to submit expense reports for and $6.89 in miscellaneous coins that I refuse to carry in my pockets.

When I travel it gets worse. I have all kinds of things that I need to pack that are directly related to work. And many things that make traveling easier:

• Headphones to drone out the jet engines (and screaming kids in row 27)
• Snacks since the airlines have now decided that cross country in-flight meals entail half a can of Diet Dr Pepper and not one, but two whole bags of peanuts.
• I’ll often have my iPad for reading, movies and blog writing.
• Extra business cards and a pad of paper of paper, because taking notes the old fashioned way is sometimes easier than two-finger-tapping on the iPad, though I’m really trying to go paperless.

Look, I’m no Betsy from Hoarders, however with all of my stuff I definitely need a good bag to carry it in.

But one things for sure, I will not carry a man purse!

When I first got out of college and went on interviews I didn’t have much stuff so I just got some faux leather folio to carry my pitiful resume, job application (yes this was pre-internet online applications), a pen and a pad of paper to take notes during the interview:

How much will you pay me?
How much vacation do I get?
And, do you really expect me to be at my desk by 8am?!?!

Then, a year or so later, after I’d been promoted to Assistant Associate Jr Not-Even-Close-To Manager, I got my first laptop.

Since that laptop weighed roughly as much as my Rottweiler I knew I needed a bag to carry it around. And, as I had visions of climbing the corporate ladder up to the second floor corner office, that meant I needed a soft leather classy-like briefcase.

Off to Macy’s!

Second floor luggage department here I come. $300 for a laptop briefcase?!?!?!?

Off to the thrift store!

Now that $50 Yak leather bag in black will do!

Later on in life when I knew that I would be traveling more and that the corner office was getting more unlikely I realized that the old Black Yak Bag wouldn’t cut it anymore. That and the bottom ripping out might have been a replacement indicator.

So its time to be more practical with a backpack meant for a laptop and other miscellaneous crap. Much more comfortable and easier to get through crowded airports.

Flash forward to present day cubicle-land and once again I’m in need of a new bag and its also time to evaluate my needs.

• While I still have a laptop it’s now quite light and I’ve decided I don’t really need to take it home or even on trips anymore as I have an iPad and iPhone which allow me to do almost everything the computer does.
• Subscribing to the “you never have a second chance for a first impression” attitude, I’m not getting any younger and I never know when I’ll run into someone who wants to offer me a dream job. So, if I may not be a super business rocker, but I’ve gotta look the part.
• It doesn’t need to be huge, but it needs to be functional (how many of you guys have heard that one before? Yeah, me neither).
• I’d rather not spend half my paycheck… OK fine, I don’t make that much so it’s ALL of my paycheck on a bag.
• There’s gotta be something more supple and classy than Yak.

OK, so now that I’ve got the needs down, what are my options for a bag?

Well, there’s the wheeled computer bag:

Ever notice all guys who use this have the same pear shaped body?

That damn thing looks like something on the luggage carousel at the airport. No, that won’t work.
There’s the traditional backpack:

Christ, I’m not going on an expedition, but if I were, I’d totally go camo:

Clearly I won’t be going with the – Is it a Backpack? Is it a Satchel? No It’s a Monkey Backpack Satchel!

PS – nice shoe, sock, short (or are the manpri’s?) combo.

There’s the soft sided leather rustic briefcase:

Although, it could be mistaken for a man-purse. Wouldn’t want to look like one of my European sexually questionable coworkers.

Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. I mean carrying a man purse is the equivalent of the guy I saw today who was wearing dress pants, real tight ones I might add, that had no – zero – pockets on the butt. No button, nothing. Seriously, they looked like male yoga pants (moga pants?). And, a man should NEVER wear yoga pants (mogas). First off only women should wear yoga pants and second off only certain female bodies were designed for yoga pants. Third…did I mention men should never wear them?

So, while I may know what it’s like to be a woman, I also know that I (and no man) would look good in mogas. Yeah so there’s that. But, I digress…

Who knew shopping was so difficult? Shopping! I guess in the mean time I could always go with a plastic grocery bag like a Hobo. After all kid 2 taught me how to be one.

Oh wait, my county has banned these menaces to society. Shit!

Shit! That’s it! I deal with shit all day, every day. I’ll get a diaper bag!

I wonder if I can expense flushable wipes?

OK I give up. Short of quitting my job and sitting on my sofa all day (which sounds lovely, but unlikely), I’m not sure what to do. What kind of bag do you all suggest I get?

CubicleViews

CubicleViews is a middle-aged, married guy with kids who’s been in the show (that’s what the pros call the work world) for half his life. From junior positions to director positions and back to manager positions – a cube, to an office, back to a cube, back to an office and back to the cube where he writes today, CV is a “Repeat Offender” . After all… he’s just a guy, sitting in front multiple monitors, hoping to get through the day. Don’t miss his views from the cube at The Cubicle Views.

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